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It’s always the “almost relationships” that hurt the most. The book with unfinished chapters and an unknown ending. Why? It is the seductive promise of an unspeakable future. They leave us with lingering thoughts of what if? What if I said this instead of that? What if I tried harder to make him love me?
One-sided love has its strengths, but it also has its limits. It’s hard and frustrating to forget someone you’ve never dated, and we’ve probably all been there. You can’t even be mad at the person because there wasn’t a real breakup. It’s hard to let go of someone you never had. That’s why I’m here to help you on your healing journey. Let’s find out how to forget someone you’ve never dated.
1. LOSE THEIR NUMBER!
The first step to letting go is getting rid of their numbers. I know I know. At the moment it seems impossible, but it will be worth it in the long run.
“But he still likes my messages.”
“She replied to my snap the other day.”
“He posted _______, which means he must still like me!”
Staying in touch with that person you still haven’t gotten out of keeps you stuck in a quagmire of false hope. Monitoring them and making assumptions about their condition and their life today slows down your healing journey. Allowing them to contact you or check on your life at their leisure prevents you from truly healing and moving on. It’s like repeatedly tearing the scab off a wound. Knowing that they are following your life influences what you post and keeps you in touch with them. Do yourself a favor and remove this individual from your environment for a while so you can heal. Unfollow or block them so you won’t be tempted to spy on them or wonder if they’re spying on you. The blocking is not malicious; it is an act of self-love and self-preservation. It doesn’t have to be that way forever; it just has to be until you feel like you’ve moved on.
2. Stop reading your old texts and conversations
There was a time when you could talk to your crush at any time of the day about anything and everything. There was nothing you wouldn’t share. Every waking hour, you spend hours chatting with them or texting them. But that moment has passed. Stop scrolling through your old conversations. Seeing all those flirty comments, heart emojis, and heartfelt discussions will release the feelings you once had towards that person. When you’re overwhelmed with so much emotion and longing, you might end up doing something reckless, like texting (or even double texting) them, which would set you back so many steps. Remember that the atmosphere between you and that person that once existed is no longer there, and you have to accept that. Rereading the messages would be to deceive you that you are still in this space.
3. Let yourself be sad
It may seem obvious, but believe it or not, it’s something people often overlook. The reason you find it hard to get over someone you’ve never dated is because you don’t allow yourself to move through the emotions and feelings that person has triggered in you. You think, Well we never dated so it would be pathetic to cry for them. It doesn’t help that people around us are advising us to move on and forget about those people. Not allowing yourself to feel sad or upset that things didn’t work out can be detrimental to your mental and emotional health. So give yourself time to grieve. Treat him like a real ex, because once you allow yourself to feel what you feel, those feelings will eventually become less intense. You will then be on the verge of breaking your emotional ties with this person.
4. Make a pros and cons list
By making this list, you are acknowledging that person’s weaknesses and strengths. First, make your list of pros. What qualities did you find attractive in them? Maybe it was their sense of humor or their stupidity. Once you have made this list, read it. You will realize that the qualities you value so much in this person are not so hard to find in others. There are lots of fish in the sea, and you just started fishing, darling!
Then make a list of what you don’t like about them. Was it the lack of communication? Their delay? Their habit of leaving the dishes overnight? This list will help you stop looking at this person through rose-colored glasses and recognize their flaws. Remembering reality is a melancholy but effective way to move forward. You might find that you weren’t even compatible!
5. Rebuild your confidence and self-esteem
When someone looks at you and doesn’t realize that you like them, it hurts you and lowers your self-esteem. You develop low self-esteem because you don’t think you’re attractive, fascinating, or intellectual enough to capture their attention.
Instead of focusing on those who don’t like you, pay attention to those who like you. There is one person in your life who will always love you and support you no matter what. That person is you. So work on loving yourself. Love and appreciate yourself so much that you are not looking for outside love and validation.
6. Take care of yourself
You’ve spent all this time pouring all your love and energy into someone who hasn’t done the same for you, and it can hurt your mental state. Think of your mental state as a telephone. Right now your love battery is depleted, which means you need to recharge. You can’t love anyone if you barely have enough love for yourself. Take the time to do things that bring you fulfillment, joy and relaxation. Go to the spa, visit your favorite restaurant and spend time with loved ones.
You need to take care of your mental and physical health. After all, a broken heart cannot survive in a healthy body and a positive mind. So, for the first time in a long time, take advantage and feed yourself.
7. Spend time with loved ones
Spending time with friends and family is one of the few things in life that costs very little, but the rewards are substantial. Spending time with people who love and care for you will increase your sense of belonging and purpose, reduce stress, and boost your self-esteem. When you, your family, and your friends spend time together, you feel loved and valued, which helps you create a positive mindset and self-image. Connecting with those around you benefits your health. So take your best friend out for lunch or a coffee date. Go on a fun road trip with close friends. Take a cooking class with your parents or have a family game night.
8. Try meditation
Sitting with emotions you don’t want to acknowledge may seem like the last thing you want to do, but it’s a necessary step in the healing process. When you’re going through heartbreak, it’s easy to get into a “glass half empty” mindset. It’s too tempting to focus on “what’s wrong right now” rather than “what’s going well”. Meditation helps you see the glass half full. It will help you achieve a state of gratitude for everything in your life.
Incorporating mindfulness activities into your routine can be beneficial. So take a few minutes each day to meditate and reflect on your relationship. Meditation induces a calming light trance known as the alpha state. In this delightful state, you might imagine yourself happy, joyful, and loving again. You can use mental rehearsal to trick your brain when you’re in this state. Your frontal cortex doesn’t distinguish between fiction and reality when you’re in the alpha state, allowing you to reverse the physiological effects of your painful tearing.
9. Create a Moving On Playlist
Whether it’s swearing your “almost in love” or crying your heart out, switching to playlists is essential. A moving playlist has all the songs that make you feel like a villain and the songs that make you sob in seconds about missing your ex. “Music affects the limbic system of the brain, an inner section of the midbrain that reacts emotionally,” says relationship therapist Tammy Nelson. “When we listen to music, the limbic system responds with chills, excitement, joy, sadness, and anger.” Think of music as a crutch to help you through your grief.
Recommended Playlist: Someone had to be her sexy ex 🔪💖 – Jessica Foxx
Related Reading: 10 Songs to Move On by Emily Laurence
10. Give it time
Be patient and trust the process. How long it takes will depend on the intensity of your feelings and how close you are to the person in question. The whole procedure can take several weeks, months or even years.
Finally, keep in mind that there is no set timeline for fixing a broken heart. You are free to take all the time you need to get over someone. Sometimes it takes a long time, maybe more than you think is reasonable. It can sometimes be traumatic. Its good. Putting your heart on the line and experiencing emotions is never a shameful act. Remember: this will also pass. You deserve more than unrequited love. So stop sacrificing your sanity for someone living their best life. Focus on yourself.